Posted tagged ‘sleep’

Is Freezing in Place a Lame Superpower?

November 2, 2011

Now that we have that whole vegan thing out on the table, we can move on to discussing the good stuff:  my partner, Amy, and my daughter, Jane.  Oh, you thought you were stuck with endless pontification about veganism and a recipe or two?  No, no… we have lesbians! And parenting!  We have gay parenting!  And perhaps the cutest 9 month old to ever draw a breath.

Speaking of… Since Jane was born, I have gone in at least once during the night to make sure she was still breathing.  I know, I know.  Macabre.  Why wouldn’t the kid be breathing?  Amy assures me it is Jane’s biological imperative to continue to breathe.  But, about this I worry.  So much so that we bought a crib monitor that assures me that she is still breathing.  Unless she rolls off the sensor, which sets off the alarm, which wakes  her up.  And then, yes she is breathing… but she is also crying.  And now everyone is up.  

I finally admitted defeat and quit using the monitor after a particularly squirrely night during which her acrobatics set of the monitor (and woke her up in the middle of the night) three different times.  But, the lack of a monitor has really upped the ante on checking on her… and increased my ability to freeze in place.  I am  complete rockstar at freezing in place now.  I can even slow down my breathing to a rate imperceptable to the average human… but not to the average 9 month old.  I swear, her superpower must be mommy-sensing.  And if she ever realizes I am there and opens her eyes, it is over, man.  Because she sits up and smiles right at me. Sure, I could walk out of her room without picking her up, if my heart was made of stone.

My solution to this madness?  I just send Amy to check on Jane now. Ames probably needed to work on her ninja-freezing-in-place-skills anyway.