Damn Fine

Monkito and I decided to get sober together.  Hell, we drank together, so why not?

I knew I had reached my saturation point (so to speak); I was done drinking.  Permanently.  And I had some hope these AA people could tell me how to to accomplish that goal.  I truly had no expectations for Monkito.  I knew enough to realize that sobriety was an intensely personal decision.  And I knew I would love her either way.  But I was damn glad she was going to my first AA meeting with me.

We had both missed work that day.  Of course, we needed that last big blowout the night before our AA debut… and I had paid dearly with an intense hangover all day long.  I finally climbed into the shower and rinsed of the shame from the night before.  Toward the end of my drinking days, there was always a lot of shame and guilt around my drinking… one more thing in my life that was out of control, that I was f*cking up.  I emerged from my shower with renewed hope… this was going to work.  This AA thing was to be the key to getting my life back.

I pulled on my jeans and cowboy boots, applied some make-up, and Monkito and I headed (nervously) to our first meeting.  Now, I think it funny that I got all dolled up… I guess I wanted to make an impression, to show up ready for my new life.  Once I walked through the door and sat down in the chair, there was no going back.  Walking into AA was my admission that I am an alcoholic.  I haven’t looked back since.

And, just for the record, I realized that Monkito truly wanted this sobriety thing as much as I did when she picked up her white chip (she had to motion for me to pick one up… I had no idea what the hell was going on.  She must have researched the strange AA ways on the internets).  And it has been a damn fine journey that she and I have taken together.

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