Sad News

Unfortunately, Wednesday’s trip to the doctor confirmed our fears:  I miscarried at just past 6 weeks (I am now 7 weeks into the pregnancy).  I truly feel grateful that a week beforehand I was told that this was a possibility.  Most people find out that they have miscarried out of the blue.  I had some time to begin to grasp the loss before it was even confirmed.  So, although the last week was tough, it somehow eased the shock of finding out Blat was gone.

My body doesn’t realize that the pregnancy has ended, however.  Instead of doing a D&C, my doctor opted to prescribe misoprostol to chemically enduce my body to begin the miscarriage process.  I won’t make you Google it; I will just tell you that misoprostol is RU-486 (the chemical abortion pill).  I had two feelings when I realized this:  1) an irrational indignation (I am not ABORTING my baby.  I MISCARRIED), and 2) gratitude that activist fought so hard to make this drug legal.  I do not want to have to go through a surgical procedure.  I just  had a D&C over the summer (to remove endomitriosis during a procedure to remove a cyst from my ovary).  Thankfully, if the drug works as it should, I will be spared that whole process again.

Folks close to me want to know how I feel.  At this point, I don’t really know how I feel.  I am not angry.  I don’t feel like God took something from me (I don’t believe God is like that).  I am definitely sad.  I believe that there was probably a chromosomal reason that Blat couldn’t continue on his journey (although I will never know for sure).  I know that I already miss Blat.  I totally fell in love with this first baby that was ours:  mine & Monkito’s.  Blat represented a year and a half of dreams becoming reality.  But Blat also leaves a legacy of hope:  I know I can get pregant now.  I have hope (maybe for the first time since we began trying) that we WILL have a baby.  And I know Monkito and I can face a loss together, supporting each other.  Those are tremendous gifts to bring in only six short weeks of life.

So, yes, I am sad.  But I am glad that Blat was ours, at least for a little while.

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One Comment on “Sad News”

  1. Miss Kris Says:

    You are an amazing woman and you will be an amazing parent one day soon.

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