Gloom (with possible forcast of Doom)

I managed to map out my semester today, complete with due dates for all major projects, conference weeks scheduled and the first three days planned out entirely.  This planning occurred amist a hella (as the kids say) difficult day.

I went to the doctor this morning to have a new pregnancy symptom checked out.  While he was digging around in there, and I do mean digging… I swear, it is like this guy is on an expedition, he saw a polyp on my cervix (huh?!?).  He said, “Oh, that should come off.”  So it did.  RIGHT THEN.  The doc decided that I would be worried when I saw all the blood, so he decided to check in on Blat, just to show me things are still just fine.

Except.  (Can you see this taking a downhill turn here?)

He feels concerned that Blat is measuring closer to 6 weeks than 7 (“We would expect to see more growth by now”) and the heartbeat was difficult to detect.  The heartbeat was NOT difficult to detect two days ago.

Sounds shitty, no?

I wish I could say that I am sure things are fine.  But I am not.  I have cycled through feeling pretty crushed to hopeful… repeat and rinse.  Of course, I looked into what the Internets had to say… The verdict?  Blat may be okay.  Blat may not be okay.

So, I just have to wait until next Wednesday to find out whether or not Blat will be making the whole journey with us or whether we only got to enjoy him for a short while.

This is tough.  Really tough.

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