Doctor, Doctor

I totally forgot to dish about last Friday’s appointment with the new doctor.  It was …. memorable.

They scheduled the appointment for 7 a.m.  The doctor didn’t show up until 8:15.  During this time, two other women waited in separate exam rooms clad only in a paper sheet with no indication of when the doctor might arrive.  I know this because Monkito and I were sitting right outside their doors.  No one uttered a word to them for an hour.

Once I finally made it in the exam room and got situated in my paper sheet, the doctor asked if I would like to keep the little vial the “specimen” comes in.  The jokes ensued from there… “Junior, say hello to your biological father up there on the mantle.”  I love a good joke when I hanging out with my feet in stirrups.

Then came the insemination.  The doctor pushed the speculum so far in that I swear it hit my tonsils.  I am sure that it somehow abrased my cervix, because I could feel a stinging burn after the speculum clicked into place.  The speculum caused a minor amount of pain… but not enough that I was going to ask him to reposition it.  God no.  I just wanted the damn thing OUT.  So I waited while he threaded the catheter into my cervix.  A little cramping, and then it was over.  All except for the CLICK when the speculum released, which I could feel resonate through my entire body.

On the upside, the tech called us in to look at the swimmers under the microscope.  Whoa, dude.  They looked like an eager bunch.  So, you know, hopefully one of them headbutted an egg hard enough that in 9 months we can just call it a baby and be done with it.

I am crossing my fingers.

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