Random God Thoughts

Would it be blasphemous to classify religion as my hobby?  Okay, then… perhaps the study of religion works better?

I am fascinated by religion.  All types.  I grew up in a conservative Presbyterian church.  I ran around insinuating that my Jewish classmates were hellbound, unless they accepted Jesus as their messiah.  Even better, I pointedly told at least one Jewish classmate that he was brainwashed by his religion… and if he would simply look at the evidence, he would know Jesus is who He says He is…

Yeah, I was totally popular.

Anyway, the conservative, condemning religion bit was really a mindf*ck when I realized I was gay.  Quick karmic boomerang, perhaps?

Since then, I have explored Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, paganism and garden variety spirituality.  I am currently reading the Qur’an.  And Seeds, by Thomas Merton (Catholic monk).  And Conversations with God, by Neale Donald Walsh. So, yeah, there is a lot swirling in my head about God, the human condition and love vs. fear.

Spirituality also drives the AA program of recovery.  One of my favorite things about AA is their insistence that you choose a God of your own understanding.   I don’t have to buy the Christian concept of God.  I don’t have to agree with your understanding of God.  I can even believe that any conception of God we have is inherently too small for God… and that is cool, too.  I can continue on my journey to discover more about God without any rush to pin things down.  How arrogant to assume I could pin God down anyway…

I do not believe that we are all “wretches,” lowly groveling creatures that live in sin from the moment we are born.  I do believe that our attachments drive us away from God.  We grasp on to the impermanent, seeking security.  Letting go allows us to explore our connection to the divine.  Of course, letting go is easy in theory…

It seems as though we stray further from God when we allow fear to drive our decisions.  In order to begin to find God within, we must choose love and compassion.  Conversations with God claims that every decision can be boiled down to fear vs. love.  Compelling thought.  But overcoming the fear to get to love can be a struggle.

My friend’s facebook page states simply that “Love Wins.”  Right now, that is what I believe.

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