Will the Indignities Never Cease?

I rolled out of bed at 6:45 a.m. to prepare for my saline ultrasound.  Okay, I guess I wasn’t “preparing.”  Not like I had to do much to prepare my uterus to be invaded by large syringes filled with saline.  But my psyche, oh my psyche needed to be prepared.  The truth: I was scared.  Vivid recall of my HSG experience did not serve to abate my fears.  That test hurt like a sonofabitch.  Since no one indicated whether or not this test would  cause great “discomfort,” I immediately assumed the pain would be debilitating.  You know, because I am optimistic like that.

As I inched down I275 in rush hour traffic (my appointment was downtown at 8:30 a.m.), I became more and more nervous.  Monkito couldn’t accompany me, as she had her own fun doctor’s appointment this morning that couldn’t be rescheduled.  Alone and incredibly nervous, I attempted to welcome in the morning with a little Band of Horses … but turned the music off when I almost got run over by an F 150.  Nothing about the morning was worthy of Band of Horses, anyway.

By the time they got me into the exam room, I was seriously considering a breakdown.  I wondered how often they had women walk out from the exam room crying, telling them that this bullshit was just too much.  Yeah, they have probably seen it a million times.  This trying to get knocked up stuff is not for the faint of heart.  It takes perseverance and tenacity, I will tell you that much.

The doctor finally made it into the room, and I started chatting and asking questions.  I do this lately when I am nervous.  I get real glib and rather witty.  It seems fake to me… but it works.  I become instantly less nervous.  Maybe its that “act as if” thing the AAs are always on and on about.

Anyway, turns out saline ultrasounds don’t hurt any more than a regular ultrasound.  For the uninitiated, that is not at all.  But, just so you know the extent of the indignities, when I stood up after the procedure, saline came rushing out of my …. well, you know. Ew.

And, in the best news of the day, my uterus is ready for any future occupant… and I won’t even request first and last months rent… Come on, baby… Ready when you are.

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One Comment on “Will the Indignities Never Cease?”

  1. Miss Kris Says:

    Go go uterus! My fingers and toes are crossed for you two.

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