I Think You’re Just What I Needed

Wednesday night currently marks the only night of the week I attend an AA meeting… but damn if it isn’t a good one.  The larger than life personalities of some of the ladies in attendance make this meeting a must.  Tonight, there were 26 women sitting in a circle, munching on lemon cupcakes as we read from the Big Book.  We had just come to Steps 10 & 11… which gave us a chance to talk about daily inventories and our personal spiritual condition.  Fabulous.

One of the women remarked that this program had made her stubborn.  She had faced multiple personal trials since she got sober 23 years ago, and she had walked through each of them… not running from the pain, not grabbing on to other people to buoy herself… she exchanged fear for faith and just kept going.  No matter what.  So, she wears her stubbornness with pride, knowing what she has accomplished  because she continued moving forward… even when it hurt to do so.

Someone else shared that she has recently noted that fear and ego had continued to rule her life through two years of sobriety… she has decided to take control of the situation by relenquishing control.  Each morning and night, she drops to her knees and prays.  She readily admits that she is not sure at all that she isn’t praying into a void… but she feels better for the effort, happier, more at peace.

I freely admit that aspects of AA can drive me batty.  But what I find beautiful, and compelling, is the strength that these women exude, even in their vulnerability.  They have each made the decision that they want more from their lives than alcohol can offer.  And they continue to seek their own peace and serenity, sometimes through tremendous obstacles.

It is hope that these women offer.  And tonight, it was just what I needed.

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