Keep On Moving, Sad Clown.

Whew!  Thank God that cloud of gloom and doom has moved along.  Turns out that I am not great at being blue anymore.  I used to make melancholy a full time job.  Now, it is more sass and scrap over here.  Blue just seems so defeatist, you know?

So, to what do I attribute this great shift in mood?  A combination of factors, really.  First, Monkit0 and I had a long talk about my frustration.  I ranted.  She listened.  We discussed switching doctors… or trying some inseminations at home.  But it gave me hope that I won’t just have to suffer through the status quo.  And I got to finally say, out loud, that I do not want to do this any more.  Just saying the words was a great release.  I know that now she understands precisely how difficult this has been for me, and we will make decisions about how to proceed from here… together.

Yesterday I also managed to make some time to fuss at God.  Because clearly things are not going my way.  And I expected them to.  I do the right things. I am a good person.  Dipshits have kids every day.  Why can’t I?  So, I demanded answers.  I am sure God will get back to me when He checks His voicemail.

I also realized that this whole disappointing chain of events has thrown off my prayer/meditation schedule… which never leads to good things.  I need time to read spiritual texts, to contemplate them and to connect with my  higher power.  I need this every single day.  Regardless of what is going on.  No matter how much I would like to sleep in.

So, this morning, although I didn’t hop out of bed and head for my meditation corner, I did take some time to offer up my intentions for the day… and I think it has helped.

All of these things add up to a much better outlook on life.  Glad I finally learned that lesson… AGAIN.

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