You are not a guitar. Do not fret.

I can get myself pretty worked up… about anything really.  Worry has been a constant companion since I was a kid.  Although I have greatly improved my ability to just let things be, I can still get more anxious than one would expect about, say, chairing my first AA meeting.

I volunteered to chair the meeting precisely because doing so is way out of my comfort zone.  I like to go to meetings, gather whatever wisdom is showered down upon me, add my two cents every once in a while and then haul tail out of there.  I get particularly nervous any time I decide to share.  The couple of times I have given out the chips at the end of the meeting, I was a nervous wreck through the whole meeting… just because I had to hand some pieces of plastic to a few cats that had a few 24 hours (please don’t get me started on how much I hate that phrase. A few 24 hours. I am sure it is meant to sound humble, but it always comes across as sounding so damn pretentious).  So, chairing a meeting, where everyone would be looking at ME throughout the entire meeting, made me want to throw up a little.

After I signed up to chair, I promptly put it out of my mind.  Then, three days before the big chairing extravaganza, it popped back into my mind… and took residence right in the center of my brain.  What if I did something stupid?  What if I forgot the Serenity Prayer?  Do they revoke your AA membership for that? What if I called someone by the wrong name?  And… my personal favorite to fret over… what if I got really nervous and threw up in front of everyone?!? (WTF, right?  I know)

I tried to busy myself the day of the meeting, so I couldn’t focus on how nervous I was.  I got to the meeting early with Monkito (she is the coffee maker), and chatted with our friend E (who was scheduled for surgery the next day).  As I was talking to her about surgery and fasting and recovery time, it dawned on me how ridiculous I was being and how insignificant this trouble of mine was.  The world would not come to a crashing halt if the meeting didn’t come off without a hitch.  The thing about AAs is that we have all acknowledged, just by being there, that we are incredibly flawed. They weren’t going to judge me as I ran the meeting.  They just want to sit, have coffee and leave more encouraged than they were when they came in.

So, turns out that, once again, it is not entirely about me. My job as chair was to act as a facilitator so that other people could share and listen, so that we could all come together as a community. No one was taking my inventory as I was leading the meeting.  They were focusing on getting what they needed for their own recovery.  And, once again, I resolved to remember that I am not the center of the world.

Oh, and just in case you were wondering . . . I am awesome at chairing meetings.  I shall add it to my list of skillz.

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One Comment on “You are not a guitar. Do not fret.”

  1. Miss Kris Says:

    Hello Pensive Pea. I miss you!
    Miss Kris

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