Not Quite Dead Yet

The news at the fertility doctor was not particularly encouraging. I mean, on a scale of 1 to Suck … it was Suck +1. The cyst on my left ovary, the one that had prevented us from inseminating last time because it was too large, had grown. Oh, and there is a new cyst on my right ovary that is almost as large as the one on my left. And…wait for it… I have polyps on my uterine wall. And, for good measure, my lining is 2-3 times as thick as it should be. Sweet.

Me, being me, thinks, “Shit. They are going to have to do surgery to clean all this up.” And they will. I get to call and schedule my consult on Thursday (which means the surgery won’t be for 2-3 more weeks). I was also simultaneously creeped out and intrigued that they will put a camera through my belly button. Neat! Gross!

But my mind stopped there. I just saw this as a setback to my carefully laid plans for conceiving this summer… which of course God would give his stamp of approval to, since I have been sober for 6 months (what this has to do with anything, I have no idea. Just sharing what was bouncing around in my head).

Bummer that I might not get knocked up this summer. But, hey, I can deal with a change of plans. And, besides, I was very busy trying to figure out if God was trying to send me a message that adoption is what Monkito and I should be pursuing. Deciphering God’s messages can be a tricky course, you know.

Then my sister asked me if they thought the polyps and/or the cysts were cancer. (sound of the world screeching to a halt) WHAT? Uh, no… they didn’t say anything about cancer. But what doctor in their right mind would let an ultrasound tech tell me I might have cancer. FUCK.

So, that is where my mind has been since Friday. Cancer is an ugly word. I just wish I could find the stop button in my mind… this track seems to be on repeat play.

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2 Comments on “Not Quite Dead Yet”

  1. M. Monkito Says:

    I will take this opportunity to thank said sister.

    And note:

    “The thickened lining of the uterus is only significant for looking for endometrial cancer in postmenopausal women, not premenopausal women.” [from here:


    “Most of the time, endometrial hyperplasia is uncomplicated and easily treated by your ob/gyn provider, with minimal intervention.

    Women in menopause or experiencing menopausal symptoms can be more at risk for developing endometrial hyperplasia. Understanding hyperplasia and how it relates to women’s health and balance of hormones is what Women to Women is here to explain. Imbalance of hormones or hormonal changes can happen around the time of menopause, and contribute to the development of hyperplasia in some women. Endometrial hyperplasia of the uterus, by itself, is not cancerous, but it does require treatment and monitoring to prevent the risk of cancer.” [from here:

  2. Miss Kris Says:

    Oh Kik! I had no idea you were going through all of this! I wish I could give you lots of hugs right now. I’ll save them up for when I see you in a month. I’m so sorry your body isn’t cooperating with your plans. I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed that the upcoming surgeries will prepare your reproductive system to house & grow a little one. Lots of love to you and Amy.

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